It finally happened.
The Escalation.
I had been expecting it for some time now. In my head I knew it would come, but my heart still hoped that it wouldn’t.
As usual, the rational thinking proved to be right, even tho I have made a habit out of ignoring it.
I was an idiot to believe that I could prevent it, especially since I am forever told the cause.
It seems reasonable that the cause can stop the effect.
Right?
Today at work we were talking about coworkers due date, and then someone mentioned that I had 4 kids.
Another wonderful coworker of mine, we will call her Wanda the Witch, said “How did you do that?”
I was kinda stunned and not sure how to answer the question. Then that same coworker asked the ages of my kids. I told her their ages and pointed out the fact that they were all 2 years apart. I mentioned the fact that people usually judge me when they found out I have 4 kids, and mainly they assume that I was a teen mom because I look so young. Wanda the Witch then said “Close enough, you might as well have been a teen mom”.
That’s ridiculous! Who says stuff like that, and more importantly why can’t I just be proud of the wonderful mother that I am regardless of my age?
This wasn’t the first time that I have been judge like this, and I guarantee that it won’t be the last.
Kids, if I teach you nothing else, please, please do not judge someone until you have lived in their shoes. Try to understand where people are coming from and what may have or have not motivated them.
Various media outlets claim to be fair and accurate, but in reality no one can ever be 100% fair or accurate.
Life is more than just a series of facts. There are tons of factors that come into play.
Faced with difficult decisions people sometimes do things they normally wouldn’t do.
Take a desperate mother trying anything and everything to feed her kids for example. She is faced with the option to either steal food, or let her innocent babies go hungry. Other parents may decide to become a stripper or a prostitute. I am not saying that I have stolen, or been a stripper, to support my family, but I have entertained the idea of it. I used to tell Bash that if I didn’t have so many stretch marks from being pregnant, and had if I had rhythm, then I would totally be a stripper. The point is, desperate people will do desperate things.
I used to have to donate plasma in order to get money for gas, or diapers, or food, and only if absolutely necessary. That in itself isn’t really that bad. You are monitored by trained professionals, and the plasma really helps people. What made it bad for me, was the fact that I am anemic and my veins are hard to hit. One instance of donating plasma really stands out in my mind. After what seemed like a forever long time, it was finally my turn. The technician had to dig in order to find the vein. Then she accidently went all the way through my vein. I was bleeding under my skin. It looked horrible, and made me look like a drug addict. I felt so embarrased that I didnt even want to be seen in public. I have never been back. One Saturday, Bash donated plasma so that I could have money to buy Paige a birthday present. I will never forget what he did for her.
In my time I have done things that I am not proud of. However I don’t regret any of those things, because they were done in the best interest of my family.
I think that most parents can relate to this…….
This is what I picture when i think about my daughter graduating.
and this is probable what my daughter thinks of..
I still can’t believe it. What once seemed like such a far destination is now at my door step. I know that I should be happy and that this is a natural progression of life. Truthfully i am happy, but at the same time there is a bitter sadness.
My oldest daughter graduates from elementary school tomorrow. She will soon be embarking on a fantastic journey. One of self discovery, and a new awareness of the world around her. There will be so many firsts, and not all of them will be good. I think she is more ready than I am, but I can’t let her know that.
If I could tell her one thing, or give her only one piece of advice it would be this; Remember, this too shall pass. I know sometimes that you are going to feel like it’s the end of the world as you know it. Life still goes on, and nothing lasts forever. It’s up to you as to how long you let things affect your life. Take control.
We had such a good weekend, and thats unusual for us. Normally i go back to work on Monday more stressed then when I left work on Friday. Im not sure exactly why that is, but one of my goals is to change it.
I think the key is to stay busy without over doing it. Sounds easy enough. But for my family it can sometimes be one of the hardest things. The reason for that, or a contributor to the problem, is the variety of ages that we have. Things that I could do to interest the 11 and 9 year old, are not suitable for the younger 3 and vice versa. Sometimes its more of a money issue. Taking 6 people to do anything is expensive, even the dollar menu can be too much at times.
I am trying to do things with just a couple kids at a time, and to not feel guilty about it (thanks to my therapist). It worked out wonderful this weekend, much better than I ever thought. Just because we are a family doesnt mean we have to do everything together.
This morning Skye wanted to be held all morning long. She wouldn’t sit and play while I was getting everyone dressed, which is a little out of her norm. Then at daycare she started to cry, and held on tight when i tried to hand her to Ms. Deborah, her teacher.
I know that its just a transition period, but it still makes my heart heavy. I feel like a horrible mom for having to take her there, but I would be an even more horrible mom if I didnt work and lived off the government. It kinda seems like a double edge sword.
I hate that I feel the pressure to have it all. What if I dont want it all?
The Lady Who Lived In A Shoe 