That’s the kind of love that I wish for you.

That’s the kind of love that I wish for you..

That’s the kind of love that I wish for you.

That’s how I felt when I first saw him. I thought he was so gorgeous and was so out of my league that I didn’t even consider talking to him. He was tall with dark features, and I could tell that he was a little older. I remember that he was wearing a band t-shirt and made it look sophisticated. At first I tried not to notice him, but that was easier said than done.

His hair was the blackest black that I had ever seen, and it was fixed just perfect. His eyes spoke of intrigue and wisdom. Those lips that sat just above his masculine jaw were something out of a magazine. They weren’t too big or too small, just big enough to kiss, but not too big to make kissing sloppy. (I always hated sloppy kisses.) The sun-kissed color of his skin reminded me of the guys I would see in the Abercrombie and Fitch commercials that I would always see on TV. There was just the right amount of togetherness that he looked kept, without looking feminine. At the same time appearing cool and calm wearing his Lynard Skynard t-shirt and drinking a beer. He seemed to be everything that I was looking for.

I just knew that he was not going to be interested in a girl like me. He was sophisticated and attractive, charming and funny, mature and relaxed. I felt that I was none of those things, and add in the fact that I was divorced and had already had two kids at my young age of 22. Who in their right mind would want to deal with someone in my situation?   Then the completely unimaginable happened. He actually talked to me first! I was a little drunk at the time, and can’t remember what he first said to me, but I remember without a doubt the very first thing that I said to him.

“I am divorced with 2 kids; Now what?”

By this time I was at a point in my life where I had decided what I was and wasn’t willing to accept any more, especially when it came to men. I was finally starting to realize that I was pretty, and men seemed to be attracted to me. Even if they weren’t, I was okay being a single mom of two wonderful little girls. I was finally happy in my life.

To my surprise he said that he was also divorced, but didn’t have any kids. I was still skeptical, and tried to play it cool. At one point I was walking out of the lady’s room at the bar and noticed that he was watching me. I tried to make eye contact and walk using my sexiest walk I could possible manage. While I was trying so hard to concentrate, I never bothered to look for tables or chairs that may have been in my path. Bam! I walked smack into the edge of a table! I tried to play it off as gracefully as I could. I acted like I hadn’t noticed that I walked into a table with such force that the whole table shook, and hoped that he hadn’t noticed either.

A short time later we exchanged phone numbers. The rest as they say, is history!

That’s the kind of love that I wish for you.  I was never truly sure if I believed in love at first sight, but I became a believer that night; a believer in the kind of love that makes you fearless and afraid all at the same time.

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When I saw you I was afraid to meet you.

When I saw you I was afraid to meet you. When I met you I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you.

–Anonymous

Locked Up as a Kid, This Young Adult Urges California to Adopt a Ban on Juvenile Solitary

I appsolutely agree with this. WE need to change the way we do things as a society and it needs to start with our youth.

Prison Photography

STATE BILL 124

The indubitable Ella Baker Center alerted me this morning to the efforts by activists and good-headed politicians in California to prevent the use of extended solitary confinement for people under the age of 18.

The Ella Baker Center is working to end the solitary confinement of youth with the Youth Justice Coalition,Children’s Defense Fund California, and California Public Defenders Association. Senator Mark Leno introduced the bill, SB-124

DeAngelo Cortijo who is formerly incarcerated explains why SB-124 is a good thing.

The first time I experienced solitary confinement, I was 11 years old.

Now, 11 years later I’m fighting to end the widespread use of solitary confinement in California’s youth prisons.

I’m writing today to ask you to join me in taking action.

As I would stare out of my cell window I could see the other kids outside and I remember feeling empty and afraid. On several occasions…

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..Thats unusual for us.

We had such a good weekend, and thats unusual for us.  Normally i go back to work on Monday more stressed then when I left work on Friday.  Im not sure exactly why that is, but one of my goals is to change it.

I think the key is to stay busy without over doing it.  Sounds easy enough.  But for my family it can sometimes be one of the hardest things.  The reason for that, or a contributor to the problem, is the variety of ages that we have.  Things  that I could do to interest the 11 and 9 year old, are not suitable for the younger 3 and vice versa.  Sometimes its more of a money issue.  Taking 6 people to do anything is expensive, even the dollar menu can be too much at times.

I am trying to do things with just a couple kids at a time, and to not feel guilty about it (thanks to my therapist).  It worked out wonderful this weekend, much better than I ever thought.  Just because we are a family doesnt mean we have to do everything together.

 

Empathy is Huge

“Sooner or later in life, we will all take our turn being in the position we once had someone else in.”

~ Ashly Lorenzana

Double Edge Sword

This morning Skye wanted to be held all morning long.  She wouldn’t sit and play while I was getting everyone dressed, which is a little out of her norm.  Then at daycare she started to cry, and held on tight when i tried to hand her to Ms. Deborah, her teacher.

I know that its just a transition period, but it still makes my heart heavy.  I feel like a horrible mom for having to take her there, but I would be an even more horrible mom if I didnt work and lived off the government.  It kinda seems like a double edge sword.

I hate that I feel the pressure to have it all.  What if I dont want it all?

 

Hello world!

Everyone is always asking me how I do it.  How do I raise 5 kids, how am I able to handle the day to day, how do i work full time and still make time for the kids….and on and on.  Basicly just alot of hows, and even some whys thrown in every now and then. This is my attempt to answer the how and why, and your chance to “try on my shoes”.

Happy Reading!